“Cendrillon” - Kishio Daisuke

What an ugly sin I’m committing, WRATH! Okay, more like quietly enraged, but still. ::pulls hair:: It’s infuriating! Because the more angry I get at being angry it’s just.. well you get it, don’t you? I have to say, I’ve been angry at my mother for over a month now, or something like that, and she doesn’t seem to have a fucking clue. Honestly, I don’t have anything specific I’m angry at either, so it’s not like I can tell her, I’m just angry. I’m angry that I exist and that she tramples and runs my life, I’m angry that she exists, I’ve just been a very angry person lately. I don’t know if my depression is lifting, because, well, this is a change, but I don’t really know what I’m going through either. It’s a series of ups and downs and everything. ::shrugs:: Frankly, right now, I could care less. I noticed that I’m not eating properly during the week, like at *all*, which is extremely rare for me. I don’t mean binging and eating unhealthy, I mean not eating enough. My weight’s been like a yo-yo lately because of this psuedo-starving myself and then pigging out on the weekends when I go to church and socialize with people. Hah, that’s funny, me, socializing. I think I’m trying to kill myself without being too obvious, but even that I’m not sure about. ::scratches head:: I keep thinking that maybe I’m trying to lose weight, but I’m definitely not doing that as I eat like a pig over the weekends. Ironically, I don’t care. Maybe I want to die, who knows. I’m tired of being sad and I’m growing tired of being angry. Crying inexplicably everynight isn’t normal, is it? Sometimes I really don’t know why and I’ll start crying, sometimes I know damn well why and bawl my eyes out. I’m not sure why I’m still hung over this, you know, there’s really no reason for me to care like this at all, yet somehow, I find the energy to care. Care. Love. Whatever. I never get any back, so why should I care? Why should I love? Why, indeed.

I’m tired. I need another mental break. I need to fall into a coma or something.

I dropped to 145 pounds, and I ate lunch today. I was at 152 Sunday night. I don’t exercise at all. This is definitely not normal. >_>