Dementia

Series: Weiß Kreuz
Pairing: Fujimiya Aya (Ran) & Hidaka Ken, (hint of Youji&Omi)
Status: one-shot, finished
Rating: PG
Warnings: angst, shounen-ai
Notes: Weiss goes on a mission. Aya and Ken meet up with Schwarz, well some of them. One particular issue arises.

---

Just seven days before St. Patrick's day, we went on a mission. Yeah, so that's the dry part, there's more. Not that St. Patrick's day is known by people here, but I have a calendar full of holidays and other special days in the world - because Omi got it for me as a New Year's gift. He's such a good friend you know, always gets me these useful things I'd never consider buying over soccer staples.

***

"Abyssinian! Bombay calling, Bombay calling, do you read me?"

***

So that night, Omi was sent off early to weed out and dispose of the explosives, and Youji was to cover up for him if any trouble should interfere. Aya and I were ordered to take care of the front. I guess Persia didn't take into account that Schwarz were going to show up, but then again, neither did we.

***

".... This is Siberian, Abyssinian is..."

"Siberian! Where's Abyssinian? ...... Siberian answer me!!"

***

"Aya, don't forget your gloves, I can't believe you forgot your gloves the last mission."

"Shut up."

"You complained so much after that, your hands scarred, what if they find fingerprints.."

"I said shut up." Aya stepped clean into his boots and walked away from the still seated Ken.

"What do you always have to be so touchy about?"

"Touchy? You're the one who goes about acting like my mother, even in front of Omi and Youji." He picked up his katana and headed towards the door.

"Your mother? I thought your mother was always away with your father on business! Oi, wait for me!!" The brunette quickly swiped his goggles off the counter and ran after Aya.

***

"... I'm here, but Abyssinian is badly injured." Ken's voice was muffled as he surpressed a stiffled sob.

"I'm calling Balinese for help, please tell Abyssinian to hang on!"

"I understand..."

***

"Youji!!! I told you not to smoke in here!"

The furious boy in the soccer uniform stomped and leered at the man in shades.

"I was just about to put it out," he smiled and blew a stream of smoke at Ken's face before taking off towards his bedroom.

Ken coughed and waved the smoke from his face before shooting the soccerball basketball-pass-style at Youji's back.

"How many times have I told you two to not smoke and throw that ball around in here!" Omi, with an slightly stained green apron wrapped around his waist, scolded as he stepped into the backroom of the store.

"Sorry Omi, it's Youji's fault."

"Hai hai, but the soccer ball," he pointed at Youji who had fallen over and was picking up the ball and the cigarette off the floor.

"Tch, don't we have a mission tonight?" Ken said, trying to change the topic, and put his hands lazily about his hips, tugging on the side edges of his apron.

"Yes," Omi walked over to Youji to retrieve the ball for Ken and pried his cigarette away from his fingers. "Smoking is bad for your health, why don't you consider quitting?"

"That's like telling me to stop flirting."

"I was considering that next."

"Why do I always get stuck with Aya on these missions nowadays? Why can't we four just stick together?"

"Only when I'm old and retired I'll settle."

"I'm not willing to wait that long."

Ken raised and eyebrow at the two. "... I'm going back to the shop."

***

Shit, Youji's still not here. What am I going to do? I can't lose Aya now, it's too soon. Schwarz are bastards, not like it wasn't obvious already. And saying all those things to Aya too? He already had enough problems going on for him! That Schuldig, he's going to get it next time I see him.

"Ken.."

"Aya! It's okay, mission completed. Just hang on now, Youji's on his way."

"No, Ken.."

"Yes?"

***

St. Patrick's day's coming up, the leaves should be green by now- spring, you know? Too many sakura trees though, it's pink everywhere, like some lovey dovey atmosphere. But in the dark, the petals look deep, dark red. Like clotted blood hanging onto the jagged branches.

"Hurry up."

"I'm coming I'm coming," Ken stopped staring at the bypassing trees and caught up with Aya, careful not to pass him. He knew the redhead had a silent pride in him about being the leader. Maybe that's what makes him so attractive, the way he implies everything.

***

"Ken! What happened?" Youji shouted from afar, speeding down the empty street in his jeep with Omi in the back.

"Ken, stop looking at me like that," Aya choked out the words with a calm expression that bordered on annoyance.

"I'm worried about you, I can't even do that now?" Ken just stared down at Aya in his arms, bloodied like a matador after an unsuccessful show.

"Youji-kun, Ken-kun, carry him to the backseat now," Omi ordered, climbing out of the backseat and pulling along a paramedic set and opening it up on the ground to get a syringe and bandages.

***

We had finished taking care of the scum working for the Takashime regime underground. Finally. As much as I half-enjoy the feeling of plunging my buknuks into these jerks' chests and ripping their hearts out, I didn't want to kill more than I had to.

"Abyssinian reporting to Bombay - situation seems clear here, does Balinese need any assistance."

"Negative. Keep your position until you're sure the situation is clear. Over and out."

Suddenly, we could hear clear rhythmic claps from the shadows two buildings down. To my surprise, three members of Schwarz slowly emerged, with Schuldig in the lead. I snarled and raised my fists.

"Why are they here?" I whispered to Aya, who seemed more transfixed than angry or surprised at our enemies' appearance. He stood a foot away from me gripping his bloody katana in a defensive manner.

"Aya..?"

But the redhead did not respond. The fear that constantly resurfaced in him was that Schwarz had possession of his beloved sister. Aya had been even more reclusive since that day, more than usual, and I had no way of helping him out of it. There was nothing I could do to help out our fearless leader. My fearless leader. I hated to see him hurt, those cold amethyst eyes dimmed like dying stars at moments like these, threatening to give yet with some last effort was going to fight to the death.

"Don't be so angsty, Hidaka," Schuldig spoke first. "Thinking so many useless thoughts when you should be thinking about what to do with us." He smirked knowingly at the angered brunette.

***

"Aya, call for backup," Ken grunted as Schuldig buried a boot into Ken's abdomen after charging at him at invisible speed.

"Bombay.." but before he could reach Omi, Nagi telekinetically knocked the equipment out of Aya's possession. "Shit.." Aya hissed, he didn't have time to call for help, he and Ken were going to have to fight by themselves.

Moments after Nagi joined in with Schuldig's beatings, Ken was heavily injured and down on the ground.

"Ken..!" Aya looked over and saw his partner slumped on the ground, with Schuldig stomping him and Nagi watching on, but continued to exchange blows with the raving psychopath and his knives. But as if someone was using a remote to control him, Farfarello suddenly stopped attacking and back-flipped over to his companions.

"We came here to give you a message, Ran Fujimiya. I bring you good news that your sister is alive though still unconscious. Crawford said we have plans for her, at least until Estet finishes with her. Heh, your little Hidaka is indeed resilent to our beatings, what do you say about you and me giving it a go?" Schuldig's smirk had not left his face since he appeared.

"No.. Aya.." Ken managed to push himself up on his hands and stumbled forward to attack Schuldig but Farfarello leapt up and smashed down into Ken's back.

"You know, that partner of yours doesn't know when to quit, he's worried about you getting hurt."

"Like I didn't know that."

"Oh? So you know he's in love with you too?"

Aya stared at the orange-haired villain, dropping his guard for a second.

"You didn't, did you? You were working with a closet case all this time hah! Maybe he should join us, Farfarello could use a new toy."

"You bastard.." he lunged forward with his katana in a rage. If taking Aya-chan wasn't bad enough, he had to talk about Ken too. Sure that guy had some obsession with him, he knew that, but love? He's not Youji.

***

"Aya knows now.."

"Know what, Ken?" Youji took his eyes off the road and looked at the hurt brunette next to him.

"Nothing," he murmured.

"Is Aya going to be all right?" Youji glanced at the rearview mirror worriedly.

"Yeah, I gave him some anesthetic and medication and bandaged the major wounds. He's unconscious now. So what happened Ken-kun? You look pretty badly hurt too, I'll have a look at you when we're home."

"Schuldig.. said things to him, I'm not sure what, something about Aya-chan, I fainted too soon. I woke up to see Farfarello beating the shit outta Aya and stabbing him with his own katana.. Oh god, if I only hadn't fainted, damnit! I managed to chase off that lunatic because his teammates were gone already, but Aya...."

"He's not going to die, Ken-kun, if Schwarz told him something they wouldn't just kill him right afterwards."

***

I hope all that bastard told Aya was that I'm in love with him. I hope that's it. That much is bearable to be known, but nothing more.

***

Tomorrow would be St. Patrick's day, if Ken checked the calendar, but he had been sulking. He neglected soccer practice for an entire week and overworked his shifts like a robot.

"Youji-kun.. I'm worried about Ken. It looks like Aya's recovering faster than Ken."

"Yeah," the wavy-haired man arranged a bouquet of roses awkwardly on the counter while staring at Ken watering the plants outside.

Aya tossed and turned in his bed upstairs. It had been six days after the mission was completed, yet Scwharz's news brought him much grief. His sister was being used in some twisted plan, or else he was sure that she would not be kept alive. However, for the past few days, his sister was not such a strong topic in his mind.

***

"You seem disturbed. Let me help you to some more details," Schuldig snided.

"Enough talking, or as he would say, let's fight."

"But he's unconscious, so let me tell you more." His fighting style slowed to adjust Aya's pace.

"Don't insult me."

"That guy won't stop thinking about you. He's knocked out cold but he's still thinking about you. Youuuu.." he mocked in a laughing tone. "You know, you're quite hot from upclose. If Crawford didn't want me so badly I'd consider you."

"..."

"Rejected, I'm sad, but you won't have to see me everyday."

"..."

"It was fun, but I'll let Farfarello take over now. Ja ne."

***

The redhead couldn't sleep anymore, he had slept too much already. His wounds were recovering rather well, considering his condition a few days ago. He had overheard that Ken wasn't "recovering" as well as him, and he wondered if it had to do with what Schuldig said. Was that stupid Ken going to try to hide how he felt forever? Aya was disgusted at first because he had always noticed Ken's sweet gaze and concerning eyes, but he figured that it was just how Ken was with everybody.

"Hey, you're awake now."

Aya tilted his head sideways and spotted Ken's dark frame in the doorway.

"..."

"How are you feeling now?"

"Better."

"I hope you don't mind, about the mission, you don't believe that bastard, do you?"

Sitting up slowly, Aya felt just how weak his body was from lying there for the entire week.

"Hey don't get up yet, you're not completely healed.The wound to your stomach hasn't closed completely."

"Were you checking on me?"

"Uh, Omi told me," the figure's shadow fidgeted.

"Then I believe Schuldig."

"Huh?"

"Go away."

"Do you want something to eat? You haven't eaten for days."

"Go away."

***

How could he just shut me out like that? Well, I guess it's not his fault. Somethings you just don't want to know, but once the truth's out, things change. Aya's even colder to me now than he was before.

***

Waking up around noon, Aya walked over to Ken's room. It was empty, because Ken was downstairs working to make up for his absence. Aya headed towards the door, but stopped short of the calendar attached to a picture frame of the Ken and the soccer kids. There was one big green circle around today, and Aya peered closely at the words.

Ken walked up to his room to change his shirt as he had accidentally fell into a plant and stained his shirt with mud-like potting soil. Pulling off his shirt as he reached his door, he found Aya standing inside his room.

"A..ya.."

"Happy St. Patrick's day."

"What.. oh yeah.." Like that meant anything to him anyway.

Aya walked up to Ken and took the shirt away from his hand, crumbling it into a ball.

"Aya I, I'm sorry, about everything, but you shouldn't be walking around." He was very aware that Aya was standing too close to him.

"You worry too much about me. Just let it go," Aya said icily and dropped the shirt wad on the floor and walked out of the room.

And he just stood there, didn't know what to say, or what to do except pick up his dirty shirt and change quickly. He tossed it at the laundry basket, but it fell short, and Ken moved about to look for his shirt. His eyes clouded with tears unknowingly, and he blinked them away, trying not to think. He wandered to his desk to look at his calendar for what else he could do to get his mind off this.. situation.

Today's date on the calendar was scribbled over in a red pen. It read:

"It's St. Patrick's day, not St. Valentine's, but we can still celebrate."

Ken blinked twice - what *was* this?

Before he knew anything else two arms slipped around his waist and startled the brunette.

"If you love me, say so."

Who was this person behind him? It didn't sound like him. "Aya?"

"Say it," he growled.

"I.. I.. I..."

***

"Ne, Youji-kun, now your eyes can't wander freely in here anymore," Omi said cheerily.

"What are you talking about... Oh. It's a nice change, I have to admit."

Notes: Wrote this for a writing contest and class in high school. There's really no point to the.. illustration. ^_^;

---

Every morning I wake to the scent of wet asphalt. Slick yet dusty, humid concrete was what surrounded our apartment, not to mention that our apartment was just more concrete splashed with paint. The moist air clung to my nightshirt and bed sheets, making it difficult to haul my weight out of bed. The air-conditioner, as usual, was turned off before I went to sleep, allowing the heat to creep back into my room. It wasn't that my windows were open, but rather that the bathroom's windows were opened all day and night long. It didn't matter whether I closed the windows or not because I lived on the 34th floor. Only some insane person would risk his life suspended 34 floors above solid concrete to rob me of my ragged cabinets, or to hang out on the clotheslines if he dared.

The building across my room window was painted of a grey bluish matter, bumpy, cracked, and caked with years of dust and grime. Air-conditioners emitting intensely heated fumes that hummed on every floor and from every window plagued the building like misplaced legos, and colorful clotheslines reached out like stiff tendrils, sometimes empty and sometimes loaded with assorted laundry. I never saw direct sunlight, really. All the apartment buildings around here huddled together like cowardly giants, and the streets below have only narrow strips of sky to gaze at. Yet, nobody stopped to look at the sky, except maybe only to watch out for drippy air-conditioners. But no, this isn't a slum in Hong Kong. In fact, this is a rather nice place to live. All my neighbors were nice people, except for the old lady who lived under me. Sometimes, when I practiced the piano, she would take the elevators up and rattle on the rusty double door of my apartment to quiet me down, but of course, she always created more noise.

Nevertheless, this was a nice little place to live, and I mean little. Inside the door was the narrow hallway with a piano along the wall, a crowded kitchenette to the right, my room to the left, and a few steps down would be the bathroom, which has the largest space in entire floor plan. Every piece of furniture was compacted closely together, the little few pieces there were. The kitchenette was filled with clanging pots and pans that ring like cheap cathedral bells. Plates, bowls, and utensils all hid in the cabinets, for fear of dust and humidity, and even the occasional visitors such as cockroaches and ants. My room, the twin-sized bed parked too close to the doorway, fit four cabinets, which filled up the rest of my room. A radio and a small television set rested on the high cabinet that was located at the end of the bed, standing proud and all with its unpainted drawers held by rusty hinges that required much force to open. Crumpled flower-patterened bed sheets and a single pillow laid on my bed, and far up the wall was the air-conditioner, a tattered brown box stuck in the midst of white paint, which was coated with a thin layer of what looked like dew, but rather casualties of the battles between humidity and conditioned air. The bathroom, filled with numerous toiletries and cosmetics, was the cleanest place of all, with only some rust stains on the faucets of the sink and shower. It was a place to be admired, it held virtually everything that I needed, from my laundry to the toilet drain, everything was needed. I took pride in cleaning my bathroom, which was a big slanted from the rest of the floor plan because it was hanging off the edge the building like many other bathrooms in the building. Oh, and the rent was raising every month. Virtually there was no stopping that, and soon, I knew I would have to move somewhere else. Home. I savored every bit of it until the last drop, without that, I would never have made it this far up. On the 34th floor, that is.

Notes: Just a random Christmas poem.

---

In every child's smile lies a dream of hope
of wonder works, of lights that gleam beneath
the surface of the Christmas tree. The slope
of tiles stop not the Jolly Old Man, stands
atop the chimney flue, cascading snow
surrounding toys and joys he brings to all.

Notes: Poem for english class (HS), in heroic couplets. Point of view of a Native American female child in the colonial days of America.

---

A girl within a body full of life
is not yet ready as to be a wife
My Mother, Wife of Father, works til nigh'
She said I'll too be one someday, so try
to be polite and stay within her sight
But then I want to be a bird in flight
Go higher, further, reaching past the fire
With Mother Earth, alone in proud attire,
I shall be one with Nature til demise.

Series: Final Fantasy VIII (8)
Pairing: talk of Zell Dincht & Squall Leonhart
Status: one-shot, finished
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Notes: One shot in Zell's point of view. A stream of conscious narration of the actual FF8 game, with lots of insight into Zell's character. If you don't agree with me as to what goes through Zell's head in the game, whatever. It's just what I saw. ^_^ Enjoy!

---

I always figured it would end this way.

It started when I was assigned in the same team as Squall, under Seifer's command. No wait, it was even earlier. Ever since I could remember at Balamb, Squall was always the one I wanted. But then again, so did every other girl and gay guy in the Garden. Well, I'm bi but like that makes any difference. I wanted Squall as much as everybody else. Then, by chance, I ended up on the same team as him that fateful exam day. The day we met, Squall was so cold to me, and I found out why he was still single although so many people in Balamb liked him. When Squall fell in front of that dreadful hunk of machinery, XATM-02###, I gestured to him wildly to hurry up. I mean, it was Squall afterall right? He could handle himself. I guess I was one of the first to ever see him fall and in need of someone else to cover him. Thank hyne Quistis was operating the machine gun atop the ship or Squall would have been a goner. I could have jumped out and saved him, but, I didn't. Squall finally toppled into the ship, depleted of energy and health, and there was nothing else I could do but heal him. Then something curious happened. As the green light of my curative magic descended onto his body in front of me, I saw him curl towards me and SMILE. Holy shit. I didn't know whether that was cute or just plain SCARY. Has anybody ever seen this guy smile? Like whoa, he smiled. He was unconscious but still. Then he woke up and he resumed his usual self. He said thanks but I wasn't even sure if he meant it. "No problem, baby." I replied, then I got that cold front from him all over again.

There was something about him that drew me more to him after that incident. After we were appointed as official SeeDs, Squall disappeared off somewhere, so I stuck around and heard all the announcements. Someone had to relay him the information, right? Cid told me where our new rooms were, and maybe I was lucky again, because he told me that Squall's room was right across from mine! All our belongings were transferred, he said, so tell Squall not to panic over his disappearing stuff. Haha, panic, I didn't think that guy could panic. I searched everywhere for him, and I didn't find him until after the celebration. He didn't seem to care at all, not even a thank you this time. Jeez. Whatever, as he would say. I wonder why he's so seclusive? I mean, I talk all the time, maybe too much sometimes and I always get into fights with that jerk Seifer, but so did Squall. Well, in the opposite way, by not talking that is. It's all that Seifer's fault. He's such a jerk to both of us, which is why I don't understand why Squall won't talk to me. We'd get along, don't you think?

So I was thinking back on the beginning. Wait, that wasn't even the beginning. We actually got along back when we were kids at Matron's orphanage. I can hardly remember any of it, if Irvine didn't tell us about it I probably would have never remembered. But now I do remember some things, like how I cried a lot when I was a kid and didn't talk quite as much. Squall used to comfort me too, because I would cry in a corner a lot after being bullied. He got bullied too, but because he knew how I felt, he would come over and sit with me until I stopped crying. He even once told me that I had cool hair. He said he wanted to touch it, see how it stood up the way it did, and I let him run his fingers through my hair. It always made me feel funny and happy, because Matron does the same thing to me when I ask her for impossible things. I liked it.

It actually began back then. But apparently, we changed drastically when we lost our memories and ended up at Balamb. Of course, I was the only one lucky enough to be adopted by Ma. She told me she only had enough funds to support one of us, so she didn't adopt Squall as well. I really wanted Squall to come with me back then, but I don't remember any of this. I just know I was attracted to that guy since the beginning.

And now more than ever.

But you know, after all of our missions together, we met Rinoa from Timber. Rinoa Heartilly. She was obsessed with Squall like all the other girls sure, but perhaps more annoying. I don't think I've ever met such a whiny, talkative girl. Hey, no offense, I talk just as much, Selphie too, but Rinoa was always very whiny about her requests. Demands. That's it. She demands a lot of things Squall, and surprisingly, Squall doesn't refuse. I don't know what's up with that. Maybe Squall's always this serious on the job. On the up side, since Rinoa showed up, he's been talking to me a lot more, almost as if he wanted to talk to me like back at the orphanage. So I took Rinoa's presence as a good thing. We got along fine too, but boy did she have some nerve, asked me to make her a duplicate of Squall's ring. I wanted one for myself, but I never thought about it until she asked me. "Sure thing," I said, because I wanted one too. I was so happy when Squall handed over his ring to me without much questioning, guess he trusted me after all!

Then after I made that duplicate, I let Rinoa hold onto both the original and the duplicate for me. How did I know they were going to send her into space before I could get them back? I volunteered to stay with Matron, because she's important to us. To our past, and my memories of how we were. And Squall went into space to save Rinoa. Did I mention that, since she fainted from our battle with Ultimecia possessing Matron's body, Squall's been acting up about Rinoa? Seems like she really got to him. Suddenly he's always concerned about finding a way to bring her back, making sure nobody harms her body while she's unconscious, something or another. When we were alone, he would constantly tell me about how worried he was, and that he was afraid she was gone for good. I assured him she would be fine and we'd find some way to bring her back, and he seemed somewhat convinced, but always looked at me with such sad puppy eyes, eyes that I remember vaguely from our past. The same reason why I chose to protect Matron while he and Irvine goes out into space.

The time he was gone, I began to realize just how much his presence meant to me. I was going insane without him there. He never talked that much but, that wasn't the important thing. He wasn't there, and I was going out of my mind! Call me masochistic, but I almost liked the way he would brush me off when I rambled on and on, yet he never really left at the same time. The girls here are so different, especially Matron. I was so glad she's here with me, and she filled me in so many details of our childhood. She also told me about Squall's father, Laguna, you know, the guy we keep having dreams about. But she made me promise I wouldn't tell Squall until Laguna felt that it was the right time to tell him himself. Both Matron and Quistis were older female figures to me, who cared and were concerned for the rest of us. Selphie was off on her own worrying her pretty little head about Irvine in space. And well I, I was worrying my head off about Squall.

All that worrying was for naught though, Squall returned safe and sound, and boy was I glad! But he didn't look so happy, and I noticed Rinoa wasn't with him. What happened? We all wanted to know, and he told us Rinoa became a sorceress and decided on her own that she was going to be contained so her body can't be used by Ultimecia again. What the heck was this girl thinking?! Squall goes out into space and worries everyone else in the process, rescues her, then she comes back and decides to leave him and make him miserable? By hyne, I didn't want to see Squall like this! I put my feelings aside for the moment and encouraged Squall, along with everybody else, to go and get Rinoa back. He deserves her, right? And well I, my feelings don't mean anything to him. No use in letting my own feelings get in the way of Squall and Rinoa being together. Wait a minute, my feelings? What feelings? Since when did being attracted to him develop into feelings?

He rescues her. Again. And we're all relieved. Or so I want to convince myself that I am. No, I'm not really. I'm just trying really hard. I'm talking less even, Quistis was worried one day and asked me what's up. "Nothing, Quisty, really nothing." She didn't try to push me, and I'm thankful. She probably already knows, but there's nothing anyone can do about it.

After a lot of things happened, and I mean a LOT, Squall and Rinoa are now an official couple. And Squall smiles a lot more nowadays. It's creepy man, it really is. I was the first to ever see him smile though, and inside, it's the one thing I have to hold onto. And our childhood memories. I'm the only one that remembers now.

I always knew it was going to turn out this way.