Series: Weiß Kreuz
Pairing: Fujimiya Ran + Hidaka Ken
Status: one-shot, completed
Rating: G
Warning: it *maybe* a death-fic, heavy angst, shounen-ai
Notes: The story starts with the end of the Gluhen series. The end is indefinite, so it's up to readers whether or not I continue this. XD Enjoy reading! Please R&R.
Soft colors faded from dull to ultimate grey. In the great city of New York, when snow fell into late spring, it seemed like an ill omen to some. Busily minding their own business, citizens and tourists alike rushed past the lone man in a trenchcoat, slumped awkwardly against a cold mailbox and slipping downwards onto the well-traveled sidewalk. He didn't feel neglected, no, but maybe a little lonely. He had said his goodbyes already, although not all of them. There was no way he could to Youji, who had lost his memories finally, and for that he was glad. The man had longed to forget his past anyway, so that he could move on and live again. Ran didn't regret not saying goodbye to him, but there was one person he really wished he could've properly bid farewell. It was too late now, as Ran remembered their last moments together.
-----
"Are you sure about this?"
"Aa, yeah..."
"If it's what you want, I've already talked to Omi, no, Persia about the arrangement."
"Thank you, Aya."
A plane took off, and another announcement was made on the overhead speakers. Businessmen and travelers bustled around the two men standing no less than a foot apart. Some were annoyed at the unmoved figures that stared at each other in silence but made no remark to ask them to move away from the walkway.
"Last call for flight NH3 for New York, now boarding at gate 23," the announcer called then repeated the message in English. Even with so much white noise, the announcement rang loud and clear. The time had come, and he had to leave.
"If you ever change your mind, Persia can tell you where I'll be... waiting," his last word was barely a whisper. He made a last effort to smile, but his lips didn't follow through. Holding out a calm expression, Ran watched his friend for one last second. Ken was staring somewhere else, and Ran didn't know if he had even heard his words. Turning around and walking away now was the hardest thing he had to do. He didn't wait for Ken's response, because there was none. A sorrowful heaviness lodged in his throat as he walked through the gate after handing in his boarding pass, and he kept walking.
No more turning back, he told himself; none of them could. Ken knew he had to face his demons and chose time in prison to think, and he himself was going to move out of Japan and start a new life. He wasn't running away, no, he had taken care of all the loose ends in this life, and it was time to move on. Even with his bloodstained hands, he wanted to continue living. If by some chance that Ken would join him, he would be happy for the company. Never before could he admit to such a thing, because he had been so focused on his sister, but he was leaving everything behind now. Ken would never know though, and now that it was too late, he wished he could've told him.
For a year he waited and kept minimal contact with Persia, who was always pleased to hear from him, but there was no word from Ken. It seemed that he was still in prison and even enjoying himself, how anyone could do so remained a mystery. Another month passsed and Ran found himself seeing Ken frequently in his dreams. Everyday he awoke, he would walk around his apartment, wondering if Ken was really there, and everytime he would find himself alone again. It wasn't the company he wanted, he realized, but just Ken. For a long time, he knew Ken harboured affections for him, but he didn't want to face it back then, nor did he give him the chance. Aya was his only remaining family and the most important person in his life, so he had to put himself and those around him aside for the sake of rescuing her. After she was recovered and safe, Ran found himself too immersed in blood to return to his innocent and beloved sister. The next generation of Weiss he had taken care of although he had failed the two younger members, and his previous teammates had found their paths finally, yet he found himself longing for the past. Continuing the bloodshed without his friends, the life of ever-increasing desensitization to killing was a hard and lonely road. Thoughts of Ken crossed his mind everytime he killed, and if Ken ever knew he was associated with such atrocities, he would be sad, but he couldn't help it. It occured to him that the reason Ken didn't leave Weiss early on was not only because of him but also because of the burden of knowing that he couldn't start a new life once he had started killing. Only now did Ran really feel the full pressure that Ken suppressed with a grin, until the weight finally tipped him towards a murderous insanity. The companion who clung onto his sanity for dear life, the friend who wanted desperately to share his feelings with him, but Ran was too distracted to really care. Ken always put other people's problems ahead of his own, and sadly, Ran didn't realize until now.
So he waited. Time passed indefinitely and it seemed that he was never going to see Ken again. Bit by bit, the reality sunk in and Ran carried on his life numbly. He bottled up his emotions so he wouldn't have to feel the pain of feeling lost in a foreign city without a goal in life.
Then the snow fell again. It was the second time it started snowing since he moved to New York. It snowed for so long that it became easier to numb his mind. Within the underground circles, he knew he had made quite a few enemies, but he took care of the necessary threats. Ironically, it was a common street thief who stabbed him on a snowy spring day.
Perhaps he deserved it, and he was paying for all the lives he took. Thoughts of his friends formed in his mind as his eyes gave into weariness. He could see the four of them outside on a sunny day on a grassy hilltop, looking out at the city not so far away. He listened to his friends laughing and talking about the future as he thought to himself in silence. The time he was thinking about was real; it was before the second wave of Weiss was in order, and he remembered that he never answered their question. He mumbled his answer to his friends' question long ago, for what it was worth, and the world darkened around him. Blinking his eyes open despite the pain and weight that was rapidly draining his life away, Youji and Omi became a distant memory in his mind, and it was only Ken he wanted to see again.
"You said you'd wait damnit, Aya don't you leave me now!"
A faint and distant voice called to him. Maybe he imagined it, because he had beeng longing to hear his voice for so long. Strong warm arms cradled his limp body, and even though he couldn't open his eyes anymore, he still had some breath left.
I never told you, Ken, but I always wanted to go away with you. Even if we cannot leave this damned way of life, if we go on together, we'll survive. I just wanted you to know.