FOREWORD: This is an ongoing fanfic. To start reading from the beginning, click here.
Series: Final Fantasy VIII (8)
Pairing: Zell Dincht & Squall Leonhart
Status: ongoing
Rating: PG
Warnings: shounen-ai, light Rinoa bashing
Search keyword: ff8_floating
Notes: ANGST alert!! I don't enjoy writing so much angst, but the occasion called for it. Zell watches over Squall after the party.
Darkness.
The utterly silent darkness enveloped him.
The stilled martial artist might as well be doing Zen meditation, and perhaps it would've been a good suggestion for the boy. But no, it wasn't a good suggestion. He had in fact taken Zen meditation before. It just.. hadn't work out for the hyperactive, quick-tempered teenager. Although now, Zell could have seemed like he was an expert in it.
Unconscious still, Squall lay on top of the comforter in front of Zell. Sitting in the armchair in his chilly room, Zell just waited for the moment the silence would break, only this time it wouldn't be by him. He awaited the sudden explosion that would wreak havoc on his room. Ms. Glynn and Quistis had ordered him to take Squall back to his room but, his door was locked and there was no key on Squall, so Zell had nowhere else to go but his own room. Zell immediately cast curaga on Squall upon arrival, but the figure still did not budge. All fault concerning Seifer, Rinoa, or himself had faded. The sleeping lion was unconscious for too long a time, and Zell was beginning to worry if sleep was all that had been cast on him. He braced for the moment of silence to be broken, like shards of glass to attack him.
But it refused to come.
Only still, calm air resided with his thoughts.
Then it started to rain. No, it started to pour outside the window, and Zell rose to his feet to go draw the curtains halfway. It was too late to say the magical evening had broken, it had been broken many hours ago. What time was it now? He checked the small self-illuminated clock on his bedstand. 1:09 it read. And that sleep spell had been effective for over six hours.
The solemn blonde found himself swaggering towards the armchair again. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness just fine, but he couldn't make out any colors. His room was washed with all the darker shades of grey, even Squall, who laid there like another piece of furniture. The slit of moonlight from the window illuminated the satin accents of the tuxedo he was wearing, just barely. Zell longed to see that fur-lined bomber jacket of Squall's right now, wanting to believe that they were on another mission and he was just awake, as usual, watching his sleeping companion in secret. With Squall there, sleep has always been the last thing on his mind, and right now, sleep was definitely not even remotely a possibility.
The situation was far different from any mission they'd ever been on. Nothing was more dangerous than what just occurred, not even comparable to when Rinoa would slip into her Angel Wing limit break and berserk herself into casting amplified offensive magic onto her own teammates. His usual smarts had failed him in the most critical of situations - right then when his friend most depended on it. Zell recalled the sequence of events again and again in his head, back to how he found Squall in fury and Seifer nearly dead. Right before that, when his ass collided with the cold marble floor, and right before that, how he and Squall were slowly dancing, so closely that he could still feel the hot breath grazing his ear. He must have been dreaming, simply because of how Squall reacted immediately after seeing Seifer and Rinoa lock lips. If Squall had been really been dancing with him the way he remembered it, then Zell would conclude that all laws of logic were deceiving.
"Zell.."
He had been so immersed in contemplation that he did not notice that Squall's eyes were open, and staring at him although he was still lying on the bed.
"Squall you're awake! How are you feeling? Are you okay? You've been out cold for over six hours."
"Speak slower, and keep your voice down," his commanding officer spoke softly, and his eyes closed again.
"Open your eyes, do you remember what happened?" He lowered his voice but he could not keep his mouth from running off.
"Yeah I do," and with that, the brunette sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes like an awakened hibernating beast. "Where are we.. and why is it so dark in here."
"Oh sorry, you were sleeping so I didn't want the lights to disturb you, I'll go turn them on now," Zell turned towards the light switch by the door.
"It's okay, Zell. Sit down."
"Okay," he meeped and sat back down in the armchair. "Uh Squall, aren't you still angry? Because if you are you can tell me. Just don't go running off to the infirmary because I'll have to stop you. Talk to me will you? Please? Are you okay?"
"Of course I'm angry," Squall snapped, then sighed heavily. "Of course I'm angry," he repeated, this time his tone softer, "because I saw it coming and I wasn't aware of the situation."
Zell realized this was the most Squall had ever said at one time. He breathed and waited for him to continue.
"Heh," he breathed, "I ruined the evening didn't I.. and I was the one who told you to not make a commotion." He turned his hands over and over again in his lap. "You had to be the one to tell me to calm down, too." He dropped his hands to his sides. "I'm... sorry."
"Sorry??? What for? Why are you even sorry? You have no reason to be sorry, after what happened, I'm the one who's really sorry. Squall, I knew Seifer was going to do something like this, and I didn't tell you. I'm sorry baby, I couldn't tell you. I was afraid you wouldn't believe me because Rinoa's involved, she's such a sweet girl. I think she's a sweet girl anyway, although I'm not sure what happened tonight. Oh hyne, I'm so sorry Squall. I should have said something and maybe none of this would have happened."
"You're rambling Zell. And no, I do have a reason to be sorry. I knew about this, actually, but I went along with it anyway."
Zell was caught by surprise. Squall knew? "You did? But, how?" He knew Seifer wouldn't have leaked the word out, and Rinoa, well, she's his girlfriend!
Squall swung his legs to the side of the bed towards Zell and looked at his friend's face, whose worry lines were even visible in the dark. "Rinoa's been.. wanting more.. lately. I.. I fell in love with her, Zell. But she wanted even more than that."
His heart sunk. He always knew Squall was in love with Rinoa, so why so glum now? Guess he just didn't want to actually hear those words coming straight from Squall's mouth and into his own ears.
"And I'm not ready for that. Holding her hand, hugging her, and even kissing her were fine," Squall started to cringe. "She wanted me to propose to her because she has all these ideas for her perfect wedding and honeymoon she wanted to carry out before she got any older, as she says. I'm not disagreeing with her, but she wants it soon. She's been getting more insistent about her ideas lately, and because I keep telling her to wait a little longer, she's been..." and his eyes started to cloud. The lion's face fell, and he felt hot tears soak through his pants. It had been a long time since such bitter, burning tears had fallen from his eyes. A cool finger touched his chin, and Squall blinked to see a crouched figure in front of his knees, touching his face as if it were made of porcelain.
The darkness could not conceal the look of absolute loving concern on the boy's face for his best friend. Zell gazed up into Squall's shadowed face and his lips parted to speak. "It's all right," was all that was said.
He turned away. Not because he wanted to shun Zell away, but because he couldn't face him like that. Those eyes that inquired and soothed so much he didn't deserve it. He had just attempted to kill Seifer out there, and hyne only knows if Seifer was still alive. Anyone who attempts to murder someone else purely with selfish intentions didn't deserve to be cared about. "She's been threatening to break up," he continued. "At first she joked about it, but then she got more serious about it over time. Said even Seifer was better than me. No really, that wasn't an insult, but she knew how I'd take it to heart, hoping it'd convince me otherwise. But I wasn't ready Zell, and now, I'm glad I didn't give in." He paused and stared at the wall he was facing. "I should have seen it coming... I just didn't want to believe it. I'm still in love with her."
The hand turned his chin back to the worried boy at his knees. "It's not your fault. Squall, look at me."
"I love her, Zell. I love her so much, but how could she do this to me..." he squeezed his eyes shut, tears flowing freely down his face like streams of molten lava.
Zell reached up and smudged the tears with his other hand. "I know you do. Listen, it's not your fault, believe me. Rinoa wanted to rush this relationship forward too much. I'm not saying it's her fault either, but don't blame yourself or anything. You love her, right? If you love her like I love you, you won't give up. Listen to me, when things get cleared up, you'll go talk to her and tell her how you feel, straight out, okay? And if she loves you, which I know she does, she'll listen to you. Do you hear me?" He always spoke before he thought, now all he could do in that split second was hope Squall didn't hear every single word.
"I blew up. Rinoa and Seifer were kissing and I saw it. You saw it too, you were trying to warn me out there, and I didn't want to think about it. What if Seifer's dead? They'll sentence me to jail or something, and Rinoa will hate me forever. She'll never want to see me again."
"You and I both know Mrs. Kadowski does wonders when it comes to that. You were slashed in the forehead by that bastard way back then, remember? But look where you are now," he paused at wiping the tears and traced the scar down Squall's face, that... "You're beautiful, did anyone ever tell you that?"
He really should watch where his mouth runs off to, maybe he was tired afterall.
"Rinoa's never said that before. I always tell her how beautiful she is, though. I just took her giggle as her way of reciprocation," he sighed sadly. "I don't think she loves me anymore. I thought going to the dance together would respark the magic in her eyes, but it didn't happen. Instead, my worst fears came true."
"Do you honestly think she could stop loving you and go after Seifer that quickly?"
"Yes."
Zell froze. Squall's voice was hard and determined, edging to break again. The blonde gathered Squall's hands into his, rekindling the warmth that he was losing rapidly to the heavy atmosphere and kissed them softly. "I can only offer you this," he murmured into his hands, kissing them again. This was not the time for him to break; Squall needed him to be firm, and by hyne, he won't fail him.
"Thank you." The voice that spoke those two little words sounded like all the burden he had been holding was now taken up by the gentle hands beneath his, and weariness overcame the brunette again.
Zell detached himself from the hands he longed to hold forever, but as he knew he couldn't, he stood up and ushered Squall down on the bed again. He pulled the comforter from under and tucked Squall in. "We'll talk more in the morning. Sleep now," he whispered into Squall's ear, who looked more like a tired kitty than a lion.
Not another word was exchanged. Zell sat down in the armchair again and gazed intently at his sleeping lion, guarding its slumber.